Robert Henderson
Ambridge is becoming even more diverse. The “dual heritage” daughter of the white vicar who was married to a black Jamaican (now dead) and is now married to a Hindu is being given much more prominence. She has acquired a boyfriend Carl, who has just made his Archers debut. Carl is black. Not that you would know this from any reference to his race because direct mention of the race of a character is never permitted in Ambridge. But although no mention of race is permitted , the producers of the Archers want listeners to know when any member of an ethnic minority appears . In the case of Asians this can easily be done with the names. Blacks are more problematic because many of them have British names. To identify them they use someone with an unmistakably black voice, whether that be black South African as in the case of Kate Aldridge’s husband or black British . As he is black Carl is of course represented as immensely handsome, intelligent, witty and polite, as all ethnic minority figures are in Ambridge. Well, that is what the crazed feminists who control the Archers tell you. The actor’s performance is rather different, Carl being as mobile and characterful as a block of teak.
We have also just been prepared for the introduction of another Asian, nickname Ifky, who will be coming to coach the younger members of Ambridge cricket club
Young Jamie Perks approached the vet Alastair, who is captain of the Ambridge cricket team, and lamented that he is not sure he will be able to come every week to cricket practice run by Ifky because of his girlfriend. Alastair sympathised saying, well, it is a regular commitment which would mean Jamie could not be with the girlfriend one day a week, assuming that the girlfriend objects on those grounds. In the real world that would be the case, but in the politically correct fantasy of the Archers the girlfriend was annoyed about the practice because -wait for it – she wanted to play as well and could not understand why it was only for boys.
A later conversation about Ifky produced the following gem:
Linda Snell “Where’s he from?”
Alastair: “Darrington”
Linda Snell: “No I meant ….er…er.. no it doesn’t matter”.
Ifky has yet to have a speaking part but has appeared in virtual form. Being from an ethnic minority he is of course also immensely handsome, so much so that not only have all the women and girls in Ambridge flooded to cricket practice to gaze upon his God-like countenance, but the only two gays in the village, Adam and Ian, have come along to openly ogle him.
There is also the possibility that the Albanian care home worker Elona will bring her relatives over in the not too far distant future. She has a partner in an Englishman Darren who, guess what, has just come out of prison after he “got in with the wrong sort”.
I can’t help wondering how long it will be before the native English inhabitants in the village will qualify for ethnic minority status.
There is one strange omission from the ever more politically correct village. There are no lesbians. Time for some girl-on-girl action shurely ? (ed).
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