Independence Puzzle
Based on the Rubik Cube principle, when solved the puzzle represents a map of the Scotch mainland with the word INDEPENDENCE in the its centre. WARNING: this is a very demanding puzzle and even the brightest players will almost certainly find it impossible to solve
Guess the English Subsidy Sweepstake
Each player puts part of their English subsidy into a pot. Players write down their guess for a given year. The winner is the person with the guess which is closest to the actual figure. They collect the pot. The other players say it isn’t fair and send a petition to Westminster asking for even more English money.
Educational moneybox
The money box is in the shape of mainland Britain. When money is to be saved it is put into an opening situated over central London from where it slides quickly to a point north of the Tweed. When money is to be spent a lever is pressed and the money is disgorged from another opening placed over Edinburgh.
Jock-in-a-box
When opened a figure modelled on Alex Salmond pops up saying with the characteristic whine of the Jock-in-a-box either INDEPEEENDENCE or DEVOOO MAXXX . The choice of word uttered when the box is random. Bet on which it will be every time the box is opened. Hours of innocent fun from this traditional favourite!
Independence Crystal Ball
Look into the Crystal Ball to see when Independence will be gained. WARNING: an inability to see any date is not evidence of the item not being of merchandisable quality.
Tartan Snap
The cards contain various tartans. When two cards with the same tartan are placed down consecutively SCOTT is shouted in honour of Sir Walter Scott who created the idea of clan tartans to amuse George 1V on his visit to Scotland.
Animatronic SNP Member
Dressed in a kaleidoscope of various clan tartans with a shape which resembles a beachball in human form, the toy Has a library of 50 phrases including “It isnae fair”, “t’Anglish are stealin’’ ouir oil”, “We wunt muir t’Anglish money” , “Independence an’ t’Anglish money” , “It’s the fault of t’Anglish”. Unlike the 2010 model , the phrases “Arc of Prosperity” and “Independence in Europe” are not included in the repertoire of phrases. Startlingly lifelike
The deep-fried cookbook
Contains SNP MSPs’ favourite recipes. Everything from the classic deep fried Mars Bars to deep fried porridge balls. Base your diet on these and look like your average SNP MSP!
My little Loch Ness Monster bath toy
Spends most of the time submerged but surfaces every now and then to display the words “Independence for Scotland Sometime! ” illustrated on its coils. Bright pink, it will appeal to girls as an alternative to My Little Pony.
Devolution Max Jigsaw
This is a jigsaw with a difference. It comes with the pieces marked with legends such as “Armed Forces”; Unemployment Benefit”, “Sick Benefit”, “State Pension”, “Westminster Parliament”, and “Continuing English Subsidy”. The trick is to form the jigsaw picture with the “Continuing English Subsidy” at the centre even though the pieces are cut so as not to fit together.
Oil Monopoly
A game for a maximum of six players. Instead of a board marked “Victoria Station”; “Mayfair” and “Gasworks” and so on , there is one consisting of squares carrying legends such as “Shetlands”, “Aberdeen Refinery” and “English North Sea Oil and Gas” . When players pass GO they receive £200 of English money. The Community Chest and Chance cards are marked with messages such as “There is a LibLab Coalition government, collect £1,000 extra from England” and “Independence is cancelled. Return the “Wee Pretendy Parliament money to England” . The winner is the player who accumulates most of the oil and gas assets around the UK. Oil and gas in English waters scores treble.
Porridge Oats Modelling Set
A kit consisting of a set of moulds, oats, mixing bowl and measuring jug. Oats and water are mixed and then poured into the mould. Moulds include Alex Salmond, The Wee Pretendy Parliament and the Edinburgh tram system.
Warning: toxic: not to be put in mouth
HURRY…HURRY…HURRY… WHILE JOCKS LAST
