Independence Balloon
When filled with hot air the balloon floats away leaving its owner with nothing to hold onto
Comes in your clan tartan or decorated with Saltires
Hours of innocent fun
Has a use-by date of 31 December 2013.
IndependenceWorld
A video game which allows the player to build a fantasy world based on the SNP’s claims about Scottish independence. Proficient players will be able to create a vibrant make-believe land in which Scotland
– Keeps the Pound
– Has the Bank of England as the lender of last resort
– Retains the Queen as head of state
– Lets its citizens call themselves British
– Has automatic membership of the EU
– Keeps UK defence contracts
– Has citizens with free access to England to work
– Keeps all the UK oil and gas tax revenue
– Does not suffer a stampede of private companies from Scotland to England
These and many more incredible ideas can be found in the amazing IndependenceWorld
Best suited to players with a very weak grasp of reality
Barnett Formula One
There are four players
They draw lots to decide who shall be England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland
The player drawing England has to pay for the others
The winner is the person able to put their hands deepest into English taxpayer pockets.
Magic Independence Sporran
Traditional sporran but with an LED display on which a year is set
Watch the huge amounts of English money disappear into the sporran before your very eyes as the date setting is turned to 2013.
When the date is changed to 2014, the English money magically reappears leaving the sporran empty.
Educational toy of very high quality
Independence JOCK-IN-THE-BOX
Open the box and up pops a figure modelled on Alex Salmond
For many years our best selling item
The 2012 model is updated and instead of saying with the characteristic whine of the toy DEVOMAXXXXXX or INDEPENDENNNCE randomly as the box is opened, the phrases BANNOCKBUUUURN 1314 or INDEPENDENNNCE 2014 are emitted.
Warning: the repeated whining may not be to everyone’s taste.
EX-PATRIOT-JOCK-IN-A-BOX
Normally kept outside Scotland
Pops up every now and then to declare undying love of Scotland
OIL FANTASY VIDEO GAME
Players attempt to extend Scotland’s territorial waters to cover every offshore oilfield in the world
See how much of other nations’ oil you can claim
Celtic Tiger
Hilariously unrealistic soft toy but young children will love it.
Warning: must be kept well away from reality or it will fall apart
Independence Outer Islands Invasion Board Game
Scenario: it is 2014. Scotland has voted for Independence . The Shetlands and the Orkneys have declared their wish to remain in the UK and laid claim to the oil and gas fields within their waters.
The object of the game is for Scotland to invade the islands from the Scottish mainland and hold them by force.
The game progresses by players throwing dice to move around the board. This allows players to gather the means to invade. But squares on the board which aid the invasion are intermingled with squares which contain instructions such as ENGLISH SUBSIDY ENDED – GO BACK TO START; ALL MILITARY EQUIPMENT REMOVED TO ENGLAND – GO BACK TO QUARTERMASTER’S STORES; ROYAL NAVY BLOCKADES SCOTLAND – GO BACK TO START.
Extremely demanding game. No one has managed to invade the Shetlands and Orkneys during marketing exhibitions of Independence Outer Islands Invasion
Liar! Liar! Video game
The game consists of SNP politicians making statements such as “We have obtained legal opinion which says an independent Scotland will automatically be part of the EU” and “Scotland pays more into the UK tax pot than it takes out”.
Players have to guess which are lies and shout LIAR when they believe a lie has been told.
Warning: Players may find the game a little one-dimensional if they simply assume that if an SNP politician has his or her lips moving he or she is lying.
Independent Scotland Armed Forces set
Superbly crafted plastic models of the armed forces Scotland will have after independence. These consist of
– A platoon of soldiers equipped with the latest dirks and claymores
– A squadron of hang-gliders
– 3 trawlers and five rowing boats
Frighteningly realistic
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY
BEFORE THE INDEPENDENCE VOTE COLLAPSES
