The terms on which the rebellious American colonists may be taken back into the Empire

In 2002 the following request was made by denizens of the District of Columbia to rejoin the British Empire

“DC Vote would like to encourage supporters of DC rights to come out to the British Embassy on July 3, 2002 at 1:00 p.m. to assist DC Senator Paul Strauss to present the embassy with a Declaration of Reunification addressed to Queen Elizabeth II and Her Majesty’s Government.

On the eve of the Fourth of July, we are asking Queen Elizabeth II to intervene with the US Government to obtain full voting rights for District residents, and failing that, to consider our request to rejoin Great Britain 226 years after the former British colonies declared their independence.

Some activists will be in colonial attire, but come down wearing whatever you want (Taxation without Representation tee-shirts encouraged, but not required). You can sign the Declaration before it is presented, or cheer on Senator Strauss and the other signers. A group of us will go from the Palisades Parade to the British Embassy.”

A Proclamation from the Palace in response to the request has come into my hands:

We are not displeased nor surprised that  our long estranged subjects wish to enjoy Our protection once more. But Our honour demands that all the rebellious American colonies, and the collateral lands acquired since the rebellion, also sue to return to Our  protection. We shall exact no  punishment on the descendants of those whom Dr Johnson described as a “A race of convicts who should be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging”. As a sign of Our magnanimity and that of Our loyal subjects,   We shall  require no more than the  taxes, excises and duties due since 1776  be paid to Our Treasury before Our  protection be graciously granted.

Our chancellor shall make the computations of what is owed in the fullness of time. We require that our subjects in Our rebellious America colonies begin the payments and continue to pay until Our chancellor shall tell us that the debt is relieved. Aware of the untutored ways of our American subjects, a fact scarce to be marvelled at in the absence of Our protection and guidance for more than two centuries, We shall not impose any punishment for the impertinence of your plea that penalties and interest be not exacted or paid. It is Our pleasure that Our sorely misled subjects should be returned to Our protection, but Our patience is not without end.

Our wishes are always eminently fair. We are pleased that even rude and untutored subjects such as those in Our rebellious American colonies may understand this. Had the American subjects of Our ancestor, that Royal and Gracious gentleman George III, been of like mind, the breach of more than two centuries need not have been.

Our chancellor has been appraised of the desire of the American colonists to defray the debt of unpaid taxes, excises and duties since 1776. We expect the first payment within the month.

Elizabeth R